Following his dramatic and widely-publicized loss to socialist candidate Zohran Mamdani in last week’s mayoral election, Cuomo is back in the spotlight with a new venture: a fall book tour designed to “set the record straight” and “reconnect with real New Yorkers.” The book, titled “Whoops! I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Harassed All Those People And Other Notes From The Election,” promises readers an unfiltered look at Cuomo’s unique brand of self-reflection, political maneuvering, and, of course, self-pity.

Cuomo’s publisher describes the memoir as “equal parts cautionary tale and masterclass in blame-shifting,” and early excerpts suggest it will be a must-read for anyone interested in the art of the non-apology. Highlights include a chapter on “How To Lose Friends and Alienate Voters,” and a bonus appendix featuring Cuomo’s favorite crisis-management consultants.

The Empire Examiner has learned from an insider source that disgraced ex-rep Anthony Weiner will join Cuomo on tour as a guest speaker, introducing the former governor at select stops. Sources say Weiner is eager for the opportunity, having recently wrapped up his own unsuccessful campaign to become City Hall’s official IT security advisor.

In a press release, Cuomo insists the tour is about “healing, learning, and moving forward”—though critics argue it’s mostly about selling books and securing a few friendly headlines. The tour’s itinerary includes a handful of independent bookstores, one airport kiosk, and a Staten Island bowling alley that reportedly offered a free shoe rental in exchange for a reading.

As for the book’s expected impact, industry analysts predict it will be as effective and popular as Cuomo’s mayoral bid—which is to say, approximately four normal people will order copies, and at least two of them will be Chris.

As Cuomo himself writes in the introduction: “Everyone deserves a second chance—even if it takes three or four tries to get it right.”