In a stunning escalation of New York City’s favorite pastime—outdoing each other’s global ambitions—Curtis Sliwa has announced his latest initiative: “Globalize the Police.” The plan, unveiled at a press conference flanked by a dozen Guardian Angels in matching red berets, calls for the NYPD to extend its reach to every corner of the globe, “from the Bronx to Bangladesh.”

Sliwa’s inspiration reportedly came after watching Assemblymember Zohran Mamdani’s controversial support for “Globalize the Intifada,” a slogan that has managed to unite almost all non-progressive New Yorkers in outrage.

“If Mamdani can globalize a movement, why can’t I globalize the police?” Sliwa declared, polishing his honorary handcuffs. “The world needs more New York-style policing. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be stopped-and-frisked in Paris?”

Mamdani, for his part, responded to Sliwa’s announcement by suggesting the two combine forces for a “Globalize Everything” campaign. “Imagine a world where everyone is both protesting and policing at the same time,” Mamdani mused, before being interrupted by a Guardian Angel attempting to issue him a jaywalking citation.

Critics have pointed out logistical hurdles, such as the NYPD’s inability to find parking in Manhattan, let alone in Mumbai. Undeterred, Sliwa unveiled a prototype of the “intercontinental subway car,” which he claims will allow officers to issue summonses on every continent. “We’re bringing broken windows policing to the Great Wall of China,” Sliwa promised, “and maybe even fix a few along the way.”

As the city braces for a possible “Globalize the Bagel” counter-campaign, one thing is clear: New York politicians are thinking big. Maybe too big.