In a move that has astonished New Yorkers and perplexed art historians alike, freshly minted mayoral nominee Zohran Mamdani announced yesterday that he plans to replace every public statue in the city with towering bronze likenesses of Che Guevara. “If it’s good enough to spark revolutions in Havana,” Mamdani quipped at City Hall, “it can inspire grassroots movements on Wall Street.”

Under Mamdani’s proposal, George Washington will descend from his horse in Union Square in favor of a beret-clad Che brandishing a raised fist.

In Battery Park, the beloved Sea Captain John Ericsson statue will sail away, making room for Che wielding both torch and rifle—“a potent symbol of liberation,” Mamdani said, “and also a great Instagram backdrop.”

Mamdani’s office has unveiled a phased roll-out beginning with Staten Island’s Christopher Columbus statue—set to be air-lifted to Cuba’s Museum of Revolutionary Heroism by early fall.

When asked whether he worried about backlash, Mamdani smiled: “They’ll write think pieces, file lawsuits, maybe even hold rallies. All the better—we’ll call it ‘participatory democracy.’”

Whether these guerrilla-style monument makeovers will energize voters or galvanize protests remains to be seen.

But one thing is certain: if Mamdani gets his way, New Yorkers could soon be raising their torches not for Lady Liberty, but for revolutionary Che.