In a move that’s left political insiders scratching their heads—and some voters breathing a sigh of relief—Congressman Torres has officially declined to run for governor. His reason? A fear that he might accidentally fix what’s broken.

“I just don’t think I could guarantee the kind of dysfunction New Yorkers have come to expect,” Torres admitted in an exclusive interview. “Imagine if I actually improved the social safety net. People might get used to it—and then where would we be?”

Sources close to Torres say his decision is rooted in a deep respect for tradition. “He’s always admired the art of maintaining the status quo,” said one aide. “Why risk a reputation for reliable mediocrity by, you know, solving problems?”

As the gubernatorial race heats up, Torres’s non-candidacy sets a bold new standard for political caution—and ensures New York’s sacred cycle of chaos remains unbroken.